Student Who Gets Violent

Dear Maryln,

I work with a child who loves to get violent with everyone. He punches, slaps, kicks, and when he is throwing a temper tantrum he throws his chair or whatever he can get his hands on. He also cusses and spits in my face when I am trying to talk to him. I'm pretty sure his mom pretty much lets him do whatever he wants. I’d have talked to his mom about how he acts, but all she did was laugh and say "Yes I know my son is bad. We are doing the best we can.” Are there any tips you can give me that might help him and us, because I would really appreciate all the help I can get.

Tammy E.


Dear Tammy,

I have had many children over the years whose parents did not want to get involved. It is hard. There are some things you can do.

First, find something that he likes to do, something that captures his interest. When he is happily engaged in the behavior, reinforce this appropriate behavior.

Secondly, take time every day to have one-on-one time to just get to know him. Let him do the talking. This is not a time for discipline, just a time for connection. The more you connect, often the less you correct. It only has to be two or three minutes, but it is your time together every day so the bond gets built.

Third, ask him what he can do to remember to behave appropriately. It is amazing how students will come up with answers.

Fourth, talk about his positive characteristics. He may think he is bad. If he thinks he is bad, he will act the part. Talk to him about the characteristics he has that are positive.

Fifth, do not give up hope. You are wise to try and help him now. That is soooo fine!

All the best,
Maryln