Dear Maryln,
I operate a home based pre-K. There is a student in my class (4 yrs old) that constantly acts up, for example: spitting at me, hitting me with toys, doing the complete opposite of whatever I say, etc. The problem is whenever I bring the subject up to mom, instead of talking to her/ disciplining her, she constantly makes excuses for her (in front of the child). I feel like I am not getting through! She either says that she's not feeling well, she has had a busy week, she was with her dad for a few days, etc. What can I do to get her to realize that there is no excuse for a child hitting or spitting at a teacher? Where has respect for teachers gone??? When is enough enough? I'm not sure how much more I can take. I don’t want the other children to start thinking this behavior is acceptable!
Anonymous
Hi,
I believe that enough is enough when you feel that you are neglecting the other children and you have exhausted all of the strategies that you know to help the child. I will say that there are ways to help children even when their parents do not cooperate. I have found that children can learn totally new behaviors that they use at their child care or in their school, and use the old ones at home. Here are some strategies to try before you decide that enough is enough.
1. Find a way to connect with the child. The more you connect, the less you correct.
2. When the child acts out, you “act in.” Act in a way that role models new behavior for the child. Stay calm. Use a low voice. Be firm but caring.
3. See if there is a pattern for when the child misbehaves. Is there a set time of day or something that happens first? If you find a pattern, break the pattern. Redirect the child toward new activities before the inappropriate behavior can happen.
5. Remember always that if you do not help the child, there might not be someone else who will help. It sounds like the parent won’t help, and it does sound like you care so much.
4. Find something the child loves to do, and build on it. Reinforce all appropriate behavior.
5. Remember always that if you do not help the child, there might not be someone else who will help. It sounds like the parent won’t help, and it does sound like you care so much.
Maryln
About Maryln
- Maryln Appelbaum, Education Expert
- Maryln Appelbaum is known across the world for her powerful strategies with students. She is the author of more than 30 books including her most popular new publication available from Corwin Press in July 2008, How to Handle Hard to Handle Students. Her presentations are lively, interactive, and packed with information. Maryln has a Master’s Degree in Education, another Master’s Degree in Behavioral Science, and completed her doctoral studies in both education and in psychology. She has more than 30 years experience working on behalf of children as both an administrator, teacher, and trainer. Maryln is a unique and dynamic speaker that shares her experiences in the classroom along with her extensive knowledge and background. She has presented to audiences across the United States as well as abroad. She has appeared on television, radio, and has been quoted in newspapers. More than 50,000 educators across the world subscribe to read her daily thoughts for the day to become inspired and learn.
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