I really could use your help!!! I have been to alot of your seminars which deal with behavior problems in children. To no avail, nothing is working with a 4 year old we have. He is 4 years old, 75 pounds and has the mentality of a 2 year old. He throws tantrums over not putting his shoes on, not wanting to do his school work (which is 2 papers of the letter of the week). He throws chairs, moves furniture, throws his shoes and screams and lashes out at everyone. He is a constant disruption in the classroom. We have done the good deed chart (it worked for about 2 weeks). He doesn't eat healthy at school at all if he eats at all. I have spoken with his parents a lot regarding his behavior. His latest episode consisted of throwing his shoes at anyone who asked him to put them on and in a blink of an eye he picked up a 3-hole puncher and threw it at a parent's leg. I called the parents and said he will need to go home (this happened at 9:00 a.m.). The father had a few choice words to say to me like what do you want me to do put him for adoption? I was set back by this. He further went on to say that this will probably cost his wife her job and it will put them in financial disarray. I don't believe this is a situation that should be put on me and my teachers. I strongly believe that they should step up to the plate and teach their child discipline, and I even suggested professional help. My main concern is for all the children, teachers and parents to come into my facility and know they will be safe and not get hurt. However; it is getting increasingly difficult to have this when this child is in attendance with his parents not wanting to discipline their child. They seem to be afraid to. They have even carried this child into the pre-school like a baby! I am going to let them BORROW your book "No more battles with strong-willed children". I'm also going to inform them of your next seminar in my town.
Anonymous
My reply:
Dear Anonymous,
First, I want to say that your letter asking for help shows how much you care about this child. It sounds like you have given him so much.
I think it is good that you gave the parents my book. I hope it helps.
I would recommend setting a time line for the parents to get help for their child, and if this does not occur, then the child has to be removed from your center. (This is only if you believe that the child is not a present danger to other children in your care. If you think the child is or may be dangerous to other children, then it is not in the best interest of those children to keep the child.)
I feel really badly for the boy. I believe that all children need structure, boundaries, and love. This all takes time, patience, strength, and lots of love all within a strong framework of limits. You might also want to recommend my book, How to Talk to Kids so They Listen, and How to Handle Hard to Handle Preschoolers to them. They can get both books on our web site. It will not be enough to just read the books, but they will have to implement a plan too and then follow through.
Feel free to have the parents contact me.
Best wishes, and thank all of your staff for their patience with this child from me.
Maryln
1 comment:
I also have a 3 year old in my class who behaves in the same manner, or I should say he did. I'm lucky that his mother has already started seeking help w/ counseling. Structure is a big thing for him. For all my children, but he does so much better when he is busy. The first few weeks I stayed close by him, because of his known behavior I had to stay close enough to catch those behaviors before they would get out of hand and immediately handle the situation. I use lots of redirection. I help him use his words by giving him the words to use when working out problems w/ his classmates. This has helped so much. He is calmer and has started using the phrases at home to express his needs and wants. -Tonya
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